{"id":2798,"date":"2018-01-02T14:32:45","date_gmt":"2018-01-02T13:32:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/?p=2798"},"modified":"2018-01-02T14:32:59","modified_gmt":"2018-01-02T13:32:59","slug":"je-suis-ton-oncle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/index.php\/2018\/01\/02\/je-suis-ton-oncle\/","title":{"rendered":"Je suis ton oncle"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Grand p\u00e8re avait de l\u2019asthme et un sale caract\u00e8re, maman une coiffure de merde et se prenait pour la princesse Barbie. Papa \u00e9tait juste un loser sans cesse embarqu\u00e9 dans des plans foireux et toujours affubl\u00e9 de son copain mal ras\u00e9 pas foutu de dire deux mots. Quant \u00e0 tonton, n’en parlons pas, il se prenait pour le dernier des mohicans ou un truc du genre.<\/p>\n

Quand tu es ado et que tu te tra\u00eene une famille pareille comme un boulet, in\u00e9vitablement tu te r\u00e9volte. \u00ab\u00a0Je suis ton p\u00e8re.\u00a0\u00bb disait tout le temps grand p\u00e8re \u00e0 tonton. Mais qu’est-ce j’en ai \u00e0 faire moi ! Et l’oncle de s’y mettre \u00e0 son tour, vient petit, je vais ton montrer un truc de magie. Pervers va ! Tu veux voir mon c\u00f4t\u00e9 obscur c’est \u00e7a ? Mais c’est d\u00e9gueulasse ! Et parlons donc de cette pauvre niaise qui cherche ses parents et se croit capable de soulever des montagnes… Tu ne croyais pas quand m\u00eame que tonton \u00e9tait ton p\u00e8re ? Si ? Non, s\u00e9rieusement, tu as vu ta gueule ? Allez viens, ce n’est pas grave, ensemble nous construirons un nouvel ordre, j’ai but\u00e9 papa, maman \u00e7a me d\u00e9mange mais je n’y arrive pas, tonton ce n’est qu’une question de minutes, mon mentor lui, ben il n’a que ce qu’il m\u00e9rite, alors ensemble, on pourrait faire des b\u00e9b\u00e9s, les abandonner, tuer leurs parents adoptifs et venir les faire souffrir plus tard, t’en pense quoi ? Bon vu ta t\u00eate faudra quand m\u00eame le faire dans le noir.<\/p>\n

Et de huit. J’ai lu que c’\u00e9tait le meilleur. S\u00e9rieusement ? Ce n’est pas le pire, mais de peu. Il y a bien le d\u00e9but et la fin plus un combat au milieu qui d\u00e9potent et qui visuellement sont tr\u00e8s r\u00e9ussis, mais qu’est-ce l’on s’emmerde. C’est quoi l’histoire ? L’histquoi ? Et puis c’est long, tr\u00e8s long. La salle latex rouge du grand m\u00e9chant est tr\u00e8s moche, va falloir refaire la d\u00e9co d\u00e9sol\u00e9, Christo c’est pass\u00e9 de mode. Le fion de la face obscure, tr\u00e8s belle r\u00e9ussite sans parler des cinq minutes de miroir qui suivent, \u00e9piques, heu c’est quoi l’id\u00e9e ?<\/p>\n

Bon je l’ai vu, et je le reverrais, parce que je suis une victime geek d’un odieux complot commercial. Qui sait si je n’ach\u00e8terai pas le petit pingouin de l’\u00eele des Jedi histoire de donner \u00e0 manger aux petit enfants qui travaillent dans des usines, non pas ceux qui s’occupent des canassons des marchants de mort, ceux de la vraie vie, pay\u00e9s un euro par jour pour douze heures de travail, ceux qui fabriquent les petites peluches made in pas la France.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Grand p\u00e8re avait de l\u2019asthme et un sale caract\u00e8re, maman une coiffure de merde et se prenait pour la princesse Barbie. Papa \u00e9tait juste un loser sans cesse embarqu\u00e9 dans des plans foireux et toujours affubl\u00e9 de son copain mal … Continuer la lecture →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[121,59,410],"tags":[784,222,354],"class_list":["post-2798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","hentry","category-cinema","category-humeur","category-science-fiction","tag-bof","tag-cinema","tag-star-wars","post_format-post-format-image"],"yoast_head":"\nJe suis ton oncle - Le Blog du N\u00e9oprog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/index.php\/2018\/01\/02\/je-suis-ton-oncle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Je suis ton oncle - Le Blog du N\u00e9oprog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Grand p\u00e8re avait de l\u2019asthme et un sale caract\u00e8re, maman une coiffure de merde et se prenait pour la princesse Barbie. 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