{"id":5614,"date":"2020-02-03T08:17:57","date_gmt":"2020-02-03T07:17:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/?p=5614"},"modified":"2020-02-03T08:17:57","modified_gmt":"2020-02-03T07:17:57","slug":"loto-mots-bile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/index.php\/2020\/02\/03\/loto-mots-bile\/","title":{"rendered":"Loto mots bile"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Onze ans, cent cinquante milles kilom\u00e8tres, une porti\u00e8re d\u00e9fonc\u00e9e, une direction tangente, un embrayage moribond, plus de freins, des pneus us\u00e9s, un habitacle impr\u00e9gn\u00e9 d’une odeur de moisissure, des si\u00e8ges macul\u00e9s de t\u00e2ches, la voiture qui m’a accompagn\u00e9e \u00e0 nombre de festivals, concerts, qui a travers\u00e9e de multiples fois la France, qui a vu grandir mes enfants, qui a accueilli sereinement leur vomi, les miettes de biscuits, le placoplatre et les d\u00e9chets v\u00e9g\u00e9taux sur la banquette arri\u00e8re, ma Logan, ma belle Logan premier mod\u00e8le du nom, vient de nous quitter pour un monde meilleur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

L’automobile a toujours \u00e9t\u00e9 la vitrine d’un certain statut social, d\u00e9tr\u00f4n\u00e9e pendant quelque temps par le mod\u00e8le de smartphone. Poss\u00e9der une voiture bas de gamme, moche, est souvent le signe d’un \u00e9chec social patent\u00e9. Aujourd’hui, la mode \u00e9cologique d\u00e9signe la machine \u00e0 quatre roues comme responsable de tous les maux de la terre, et certains commencent \u00e0 consid\u00e9rer (\u00e0 raison) les conducteurs de SUV comme de gros d\u00e9gueulasses losers. Seul le v\u00e9hicule \u00e9lectrique a le vent en poupe chez les bobos \u00e9colos qui n’ont rien compris au bilan carbone d’une voiture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je roule peu, quelques concerts, les courses et un voyage par an en France, mais il est vrai que depuis peu, je roulais encore moins, d\u00e9courag\u00e9 par la fatigue programm\u00e9e occasionn\u00e9e par deux-cent kilom\u00e8tres en char d\u2019assaut apr\u00e8s quelques heures de metal entre les oreilles. Ma ch\u00e9rie ne voulait pas se s\u00e9parer de la poubelle, moi je n’en pouvais plus de la conduire. Des mois de lutte, de persuasion, de cajolerie et que des refus, jusqu’au jour o\u00f9 le garagiste nous \u00e0 annonc\u00e9 que notre tas de ferraille allait passer l’arme \u00e0 gauche si nous ne changions pas la moiti\u00e9 des \u00e9l\u00e9ments le constituant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7a a \u00e9t\u00e9 le d\u00e9clic et j’ai enfin eu le feu vert pour prospecter. J’ai d’embl\u00e9e vis\u00e9 de petites voitures \u00e9conomiques et peu polluantes. Une seule exigence, qu’elle soit \u00e9quip\u00e9e d’un r\u00e9gulateur de vitesse, parce que la Logan n’avait aucun \u00e9quipement, m\u00eame pas d’essuie glace arri\u00e8re. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Une fois, le premier tri effectu\u00e9, j’en tra\u00een\u00e9 mon \u00e9pouse chez les concessionnaires pour quelle fasse un choix, car dans ce genre d’achat, la femme d\u00e9cide toujours n’est-ce pas ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Les prix l’ont horrifi\u00e9e, oui c’est cher quatre roues et un moteur, tr\u00e8s cher, m\u00eame en refourguant notre carrosse rutilant. Je lui est montr\u00e9 ma s\u00e9lection de mod\u00e8les, Clio, C3, Sandero… Elle s’est assise dans tous les mod\u00e8les et \u00e0 chaque fois, venait la m\u00eame remarque, \u00ab\u00a0c’est petit, tout petit\u00a0\u00bb. C’est vrai que la Logan est affreuse, bruyante et inconfortable, mais l’habitacle est des plus spacieux, sans doute gr\u00e2ce \u00e0 l’absence de tout \u00e9quipement encombrant le tableau de bord. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Puis j’ai vu mon \u00e9pouse errer dans la concession et regarder de plus gros engins, ouvrir des portes et s\u2019asseoir dans des habitacles sur\u00e9quip\u00e9s et dire :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– J’aime bien celle-l\u00e0. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Non s\u00e9rieusement, tu as vu la petite \u00e9tiquette ? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Oui oui…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apr\u00e8s onze ans de tape cul, ma ch\u00e9rie d\u00e9couvrait enfin le confort, les options, le luxe et elle y prenait manifestement go\u00fbt. Comme par miracle, les vendeurs sont devenus soudains pr\u00e9venants, un caf\u00e9 ? Vous voulez faire un essai ? Je peux vous faire une offre ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Oui, oui, oui !<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La totomobile a \u00e9t\u00e9 achet\u00e9, le troisi\u00e8me plus gros ch\u00e8que de ma vie. Le bilan carbone de la famille va augmenter notablement mais je rechignerai moins \u00e0 effectuer de longues distances pour aller \u00e0 des concerts dans des coins paum\u00e9s. La preuve, pour \u00e9trenner le carrosse, je viens de traverser deux fois la France dans sa grande longueur horizontale en soixante-douze heures pour aller faire un bisou \u00e0 mon papounet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ma femme ne conduit plus, elle a peur de casser le joli joujou qu’elle a offert \u00e0 son mari ch\u00e9ri. Et moi qui pr\u00e9f\u00e9rait p\u00e9daler que conduire, je me surprends au volant de la voiture, juste pour le plaisir. Je dois me faire violence pour la premi\u00e8re fois de ma vie afin de rester un minimum \u00e9colo responsable. J’ai honte mais c’est si bon. Tiens, et si j’allais me promener ?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Apr\u00e8s onze ans de tape cul, ma ch\u00e9rie d\u00e9couvrait enfin le confort, les options, le luxe et elle y prenait manifestement go\u00fbt. 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