{"id":569,"date":"2017-03-10T15:22:14","date_gmt":"2017-03-10T14:22:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/?p=569"},"modified":"2017-03-10T15:35:03","modified_gmt":"2017-03-10T14:35:03","slug":"le-gros-chat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/index.php\/2017\/03\/10\/le-gros-chat\/","title":{"rendered":"Le gros chat"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Il se l\u00e8ve pass\u00e9 midi, d\u00e9fend \u00e2prement sa place sur le canap\u00e9 pr\u00e8s du radiateur, n’aime pas vraiment l’eau, boude les nouvelles\u00a0marques de croquettes et peut rester captiv\u00e9 par un \u00e9cran pendant des heures. Il tra\u00eene p\u00e9niblement sa carcasse dans la maison pour soudain se mettre \u00e0 bondir dans tous les sens quelques secondes et\u00a0retomber bien vite dans une profonde l\u00e9thargie. Il n’a aucun humour et d\u00e9teste qu’on lui grattouille le ventre, peut rester immobile durant des heures et ne recouvre jamais ses excr\u00e9ments apr\u00e8s s’\u00eatre soulag\u00e9. Il se r\u00e9veille \u00e0 la tomb\u00e9 du jour, d\u00e9couche toute la nuit et revient d\u00e9fait \u00e0 la maison le matin, plus grognon que la veille. Sa conversation se r\u00e9sume \u00e0 quelques grognements et cris plaintifs.<\/p>\n

C’est si mignon, quand c’est tout petit, \u00e7a mange, \u00e7a dort, \u00e7a gazouille, \u00e7a fait quelques b\u00eatises et \u00e7a vous regarde avec des yeux remplis d’amour. Et puis \u00e7a grandit, \u00e7a grossit.<\/p>\n

Le mim\u00e9tisme entre un gros chat et un futur adulte est extraordinaire. D’ailleurs notre chat l’a bien compris et vit au m\u00eame rythme que notre adolescent ou bien est-ce l’inverse. Ils habitent la m\u00eame tani\u00e8re aux fortes odeurs rassurantes, se pointent ensemble pour les repas, r\u00e2lent quant au\u00a0contenu de la gamelle et semblent dormir le reste du temps. Tout changement leur est insupportable, voire insurmontable.<\/p>\n

Le plus terrible, lorsque l’on observe cette lourde carcasse qui se d\u00e9place \u00e0 grand renfort de soupirs et de mauvaise humeur, c’est que l’on y d\u00e9couvre un peu soi-m\u00eame, vu\u00a0dans un miroir d\u00e9formant ainsi que le nourrisson tout trognon qu’il a cess\u00e9 d’\u00eatre depuis bien longtemps.<\/p>\n

Les ados, c’est un peu comme les chats, il faudrait les noyer \u00e0 temps. Oui je sais c’est mal de le dire, mais \u00e7a fait du bien…<\/p>\n

Morceaux choisis :<\/p>\n

ado<\/strong> – on mange toujours la m\u00eame chose
\nparent (conciliant)<\/strong> – que veux-tu manger quoi pour changer ?
\nado<\/strong> – des p\u00e2tes
\nparent (agac\u00e9)<\/strong> – comme hier ?<\/p>\n

parent (content)<\/strong> – j’ai achet\u00e9 la Switch
\nado<\/strong> – fait chier
\nparent (d\u00e9pit\u00e9)<\/strong> – pardon ?
\nado<\/strong> – ouais, pas le temps d’y jouer, alors fait chier<\/p>\n

parent (\u00e9nerv\u00e9)<\/strong> – tu es sorti ce WE ?
\nado<\/strong> – pffff
\nparent (tr\u00e8s \u00e9nerv\u00e9)<\/strong> – oui ou non ?
\nado<\/strong> – ben oui, j’suis all\u00e9 ouvrir la porte au facteur, en plus faisait froid dehors<\/p>\n

parent (curieux)<\/strong> – et, au Lyc\u00e9e, \u00e7a se passe bien ?
\nado<\/strong> – oui super !
\nparent (plein d’espoir)<\/strong> – tu as eu des notes ?
\nado<\/strong> – yep, j’ai 7\/20 de moyenne<\/p>\n

parent (\u00e9tonn\u00e9)<\/strong> – tu vas \u00e0 la pharmacie, tu es malade ?
\nado<\/strong> – ben non
\nparent (inquiet)<\/strong> – ben alors ?
\nado<\/strong> – \u00e0 ton avis, on vend quoi en pharmacie ?<\/p>\n

parent (press\u00e9)<\/strong> – descendez vos draps de lit pour les laver !
\nado<\/strong> – ben ils sont propres !
\nparent (d\u00e9go\u00fbt\u00e9)<\/strong> – il y a trois semaine ils \u00e9taient propre !
\nado<\/strong> – ben c’est ce que je viens de dire, ils sont propres<\/p>\n

parent (inquiet)<\/strong> – tu sors ? Tu rentres quand ?
\nado<\/strong> – sais pas
\nparent (tr\u00e8s inquiet)<\/strong> – tu vas o\u00f9 ?
\nado<\/strong> – sais pas<\/p>\n

parent (suffocant 19h00)<\/strong> – tu sens le renard
\nado (21h30)<\/strong> – je prends une douche
\nparent (d\u00e9sireux de se laver 23h30)<\/strong> – h\u00e9 tu sors !
\nado (00h00)<\/strong> – faudrait savoir putain…<\/p>\n

parent (informatif)<\/strong> – tu as auto-\u00e9cole \u00e0 10h00
\nado<\/strong> – pas le temps…
\nparent (organis\u00e9)<\/strong> – mais le cours ne dure qu’une heure trente, tu es \u00e0 10 min du lyc\u00e9e et tu y vas pour 12h00 non ?
\nado<\/strong> – ben oui, c’est ce que je dis, pas le temps<\/p>\n

ado – on sonne \u00e0 la porte
\nparent (occup\u00e9)<\/strong> – ben ouvre !
\nado<\/strong> – \u00e7a me saoule…
\nparent (d\u00e9sesp\u00e9r\u00e9)<\/strong> – rho putain !<\/p>\n

TV<\/strong> – zap zap zap
\nparent (agac\u00e9)<\/strong> – tu peux rester sur une cha\u00eene ?
\nTV<\/strong> – zap zap zap
\nado<\/strong> – nan, y a rien de bien \u00e0 la TV<\/p>\n

ado<\/strong> – h\u00e9 ! mon argent de poche !
\nparent (d\u00e9go\u00fbt\u00e9)<\/strong> – h\u00e9 ! passes l’aspirateur dans ta chambre !
\nado<\/strong> – putain de chantage !
\nparent (vraiment d\u00e9go\u00fbt\u00e9)<\/strong> – putain d’ado…<\/p>\n

parent (voulant faire plaisir)<\/strong> – tu veux quoi pour tes 18 ans ?
\nado<\/strong> – heu attends… une voiture ou un mac
\nparent (amus\u00e9)<\/strong> – nan s\u00e9rieusement !
\nado<\/strong> – ben s\u00e9rieusement, tu demande, alors je te dis ce que je veux<\/p>\n

patent (inquiet)<\/strong> – tu es prudent ce soir
\nado<\/strong> – c’est bon, j’suis plus un b\u00e9b\u00e9 !
\nparent (mort de rire)<\/strong> – je peux laver et ranger ton doudou alors
\nado<\/strong> – c’est malin, touches pas \u00e0 mon doudou !<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Il se l\u00e8ve pass\u00e9 midi, d\u00e9fend \u00e2prement sa place sur le canap\u00e9 pr\u00e8s du radiateur, n’aime pas vraiment l’eau, boude les nouvelles\u00a0marques de croquettes et peut rester captiv\u00e9 par un \u00e9cran pendant des heures. Il tra\u00eene p\u00e9niblement sa carcasse dans … Continuer la lecture →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[59],"tags":[93,283,291,285,287,288,284,289,290,286],"class_list":["post-569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humeur","tag-ados","tag-chat","tag-chatons","tag-croquette","tag-enfants","tag-famille","tag-parasite","tag-parents","tag-portee","tag-sommeil"],"yoast_head":"\nLe gros chat - Le Blog du N\u00e9oprog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blog.neoprog.eu\/index.php\/2017\/03\/10\/le-gros-chat\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Le gros chat - Le Blog du N\u00e9oprog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Il se l\u00e8ve pass\u00e9 midi, d\u00e9fend \u00e2prement sa place sur le canap\u00e9 pr\u00e8s du radiateur, n’aime pas vraiment l’eau, boude les nouvelles\u00a0marques de croquettes et peut rester captiv\u00e9 par un \u00e9cran pendant des heures. 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